Top Ten Body
Language Tips - By Robert Phipps |
Top Ten Tips:
Eye contact is one of the most important aspects of dealing with
others, especially people we've just met. Maintaining good eye
contact shows respect and interest in what they have to say. Here in
the UK we tend to keep eye contact around 60-70% of the time.
(However, there are wide cultural differences, so be careful in
other countries) By doing this you won't make the other people feel
self conscious, like they've got a bit of vegetable stuck between
their teeth or a dew drop hanging from the nose. . Instead, it will
give them a feeling of comfort and genuine warmth in your company,
any more eye contact than this and you can be too intense, any less
and you give off a signal that you are lacking interest in them or
their conversation.
Posture is the next thing to master, get your posture right and
you'll automatically start feeling better, as it makes you feel good
almost instantly. Next time you notice you're feeling a bit down,
take a look at how your standing or sitting. Chances are you'll be
slouched over with your shoulders drooping down and inward. This
collapses the chest and inhibits good breathing, which in turn can
help make you feel nervous or uncomfortable.
Head position is a great one to play around with, with yourself and
others. When you want to feel confident and self assured keep your
head level both horizontally and vertically. You can also use this
straight head position when you want to be authoritative and what
you're saying to be taken seriously. Conversely, when you want to be
friendly and in the listening, receptive mode, tilt your head just a
little to one side or other. You can shift the tilt from left to
right at different points in the conversation.
Arms give away the clues as to how open and receptive we are to
everyone we meet and interact with, so keep your arms out to the
side of your body or behind your back. This shows you are not scared
to take on whatever comes your way and you meet things "full
frontal". In general terms the more outgoing you are as a person,
the more you tend to use your arms with big movements. The quieter
you are the less you move your arms away from your body. So, try to
strike a natural balance and keep your arm movements midway. When
you want to come across in the best possible light, crossing the
arms is a no, no in front of others. Obviously if someone says
something that gets your goat, then by all means show your
disapproval by crossing them !
Legs are the furthest point away from the brain, consequently
they're the hardest bits of our bodies to consciously control. They
tend move around a lot more than normal when we are nervous,
stressed or being deceptive. So best to keep them as still as
possible in most situations, especially at interviews or work
meetings. Be careful too in the way you cross your legs. Do you
cross at the knees, ankles or bring your leg up to rest on the knee
of the other? This is more a question of comfort than anything else.
Just be aware that the last position mentioned is known as the
"Figure Four" and is generally perceived as the most defensive leg
cross, especially if it happens as someone tells a you something
that might be of a slightly dubious nature, or moments after. (As
always, look for a sequence)
Angle of the body in relation to others gives an indication of our
attitudes and feelings towards them. We angle toward people we find
attractive, friendly and interesting and angle ourselves away from
those we don't, it's that simple! Angles includes leaning in or away
from people, as we often just tilt from the pelvis and lean sideways
to someone to share a bit of conversation. For example, we are not
in complete control of our angle at the cinema because of the
seating nor at a concert when we stand shoulder to shoulder and are
packed in like sardines. In these situations we tend to lean over
towards the other person.
Hand gestures are so numerous it's hard to give a brief guide but
here goes. Palms slightly up and outward is seen as open and
friendly. Palm down gestures are generally seen as dominant,
emphasizing and possibly aggressive, especially when there is no
movement or bending between the wrist and the forearm. This palm up,
palm down is very important when it comes to handshaking and where
appropriate we suggest you always offer a handshake upright and
vertical, which should convey equality.
Distance from others is crucial if you want to give off the right
signals. Stand too close and you'll be marked as "Pushy" or "In your
face". Stand or sit too far away and you'll be "Keeping your
distance" or "Stand offish". Neither are what we want, so observe if
in a group situation how close are all the other people to each
other. Also notice if you move closer to someone and they back away,
you're probably just a tiny bit too much in their personal space,
their comfort zone. "You've overstepped the mark" and should pull
back a little.
Ears, yes your ears play a vital role in communication with others,
even though general terms most people can't move them much, if at
all. However, you've got two ears and only one mouth, so try to use
them in that order. If you listen twice as much as you talk you come
across as a good communicator who knows how to strike up a balanced
a conversation without being me, me, me or the wallflower.
Mouth movements can give away all sorts of clues. We purse our lips
and sometimes twist them to the side when we're thinking. Another
occasion we might use this movement is to hold back an angry comment
we don't wish to reveal. Nevertheless, it will probably be spotted
by other people and although they may not know the comment, they
will get a feeling you were not to pleased. There are also different
types of smiles and each gives off a corresponding feeling to its
recipient which we'll cover next time.
More info at www.bodylanguagetraining.com or www.robertphipps.com
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